I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
