I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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