she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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