shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize