He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
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It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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