I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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