if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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