would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
