Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
