I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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