bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
