He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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