it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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