You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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