you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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