I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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