my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
