i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
honey bunches of taint.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
