we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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