Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
