Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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