I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
