either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
