in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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