remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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