Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
