Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
