RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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