Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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