dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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