Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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