im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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