I puked a lego.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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