I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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