Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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