How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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