I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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