her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
a search helicopter?!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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