And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
