i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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