Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
