She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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