you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well I just put wine in my tea
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
