when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
