i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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