508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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