Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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