I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
