Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
