did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
