In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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