I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
