is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
