Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
