I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the day after is always just damage control
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
