my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
