i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
