He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
