I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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