dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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