textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
