Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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