Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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