Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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