I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
