the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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