I seem to have left my pride at pride
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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