I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
