i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
