god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize