If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it's great music for shaving your balls
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
