I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
