I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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