You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
