im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
