Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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